Looking for a lifeline
by Tc33 - Amie
Summary: He had succeeded. Melody had been saved. River had never existed. Would never exist.


**Author's Note :** Dedicated to my beloved Elodie and Kristi. The first one because she gave me the general idea of that fic, as she had kept telling me for months that her major fear was that they would re-write the whole River Song's story and erase her. The other one because I found how I would write that thanks to her. And because I love them both too ;)

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**Prologue**

"_You're _not _going to do that."_

"_I am."_

"_You _can't."

"_Of course I can!"_

"_You'll tear the whole universe apart."_

"_Don't worry, I won't."_

"_This is _my _life. I will not allow you to change anything."_

"_I've seen what you've done with your life. Don't you understand this is the reason why I'm going to change everything? That I _have _to change everything?"_

"_You can't say that to me. I've sacrificed my whole life to you, and I would die for you if you asked me to."_

"_But that's the point! You _already _died for me River. You died, and I was there, you died for me, because of me, and you did not hesitate a single moment. There was nothing I could do then, but now I can, and I will."_

There was a silent for a second, a heavy silence filled up with unsaid words. She was surprised, but not really. She had always known she would die for him one day, and she believed him when he said she would not hesitate. She would die right now if he asked her to. But what he was about to do, she would not agree.

"_I never asked you anything. You should have killed me the day you met me as you were supposed to do. Killed me and you would have been safe. I brought you nothing but pain and suffering. I did _nothing _right in your whole life. Nothing. You have sacrificed enough. I can't let you die."_

"_What's you're about to do is worse. You're gonna _erase _me."_

He smiled and brushed her cheek gently through the bars of her cell. She was tense with fear and anger, but he did not blame her. She could not understand. He was doing it for her. It was the right thing to do.

"_I'm not going to erase you. I'm going to save you. You will live a normal life. I will bring you back everything you deserve. Your parents, your childhood, safety, you will have everything."_

" _Everything but you. I don't want this life if can't have you."_

"_It's okay. You won't remember me. You won't miss me. It won't hurt. You will grow up and become amazing and you will be happy."_

"_I won't. I can't."_

"_Of course you can. And you will."_

She was crying now, and it was painful to see her, but the images of her dying were more painful and he kept them in his mind, because he could not forget why he needed to do that.

"_Goodbye River."_

"_Don't. Sweetie, don't. Please. Don't do that. Please, please, my love please. I don't want you to do that. Doctor. Stop. Come back. DOCTOR."_

It was the most difficult thing he had never done. As he left he could hear her screaming behind him, trying to get out of her cell, shaking the bars in a desperate way, and her voice broke as she began to sob madly. He would keep that sound in his mind for the rest of his life; but soon she would forget, she would be safe, and it was all that mattered.

x.

He found Amy before her daughter was born. He rescued her from the Silence and brought her back home. They sat in the dining room, and he told her and Rory everything, who their daughter was and the fact that he was going to change her whole life. He explained why. He told them how he had met her and how she had sacrificed herself and the fact that he could not bear it anymore. He was saving her. Of course she would never remember, and neither would they. Amy maybe, because she was special, because she had already remembered things he had changed, she had remembered her parents, she had remembered him when he had been erased by the cracks, she had two versions of her life in her mind. But he was not sure she would this time. Maybe, maybe not.

He had thought Amy would have tried to dissuade him from doing such a thing, or maybe Rory, but none of them said anything for a while. He could almost see their thoughts running in their minds, trying to decided what was worse: River dying or Melody being saved and growing up with them –but without him. Finally they looked at him blankly and silently nodded. It was all he needed.

"_Take care of her."_ he said before he left, promising he would never come back. He could not.

x.

He stepped into the Tardis, and the moment he closed the door and ran away from the Ponds he could feel time being rewritten. Every day that had been were erased, replaced by new ones, every event she had lived was modified, changed, or ceased to exist. He could feel her, vanishing step by step, each moment of her life fading away, disappearing –except his memories. Soon it would all that would remain and he would have to live with that.

The Tardis was shaking violently, absorbing all the paradoxes he had just created, stabilizing the balance of the universe, and for a moment he thought that maybe the old ship would not be strong enough. There were wires breaking and electricity sparkling and a part of the console was in fire. Almost all the rooms were destroyed, especially her rooms and all the ones he had shared with her. There were horrible sounds as the old girl tried to survive, but he knew her cries were not only for the pain of the universe crashing against her. She was crying for River too.

Finally, after seconds that seemed to last hours, the ship stilled and it was all done.

He had succeeded. Melody had been saved. River had never existed. Would never exist.

He sat on the floor, leaning against the console, joining his mind with the ship, and they both cried.

x.

**_tbc_**

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_Sorry to every one, I know I am a monster only posting that chapter now, but don't worry, there are more to come._  
_Thanks to Grumpyjenn for the beta._


End file.
